If someone had warned me in 2013 that having a prophylactic double mastectomy with immediate implant based reconstruction would ultimately give me a much harder to detect cancer than the breast cancer I was trying to avoid, I would not be the bald headed, blank-breasted person I am today.
If my surgeon had actually been honest with me in 2013, I would have never consented to breast implant based reconstruction because it demolished my life and continues to do so. I not only had symptoms of Breast Implant Illness, but I also had symptoms of BIA-ALCL that followed numerous surgeries and a multitude of complex complications. I went from working full time, plus coaching, to barely being able to work part time. Currently, I am on FMLA (unpaid) because I ended up getting Multiple Myeloma from my breast implants, and on 3/11/21 required a stem cell transplant to treat said cancer. Thusly, I am currently depending on the kindness of friends, family and strangers donating to my gofundme in order to live/survive. I am exhausted from trying to heal from damages that seem irreparable at times. My story is one that has many twists and turns and normally this is where I would break it all down, but rather than relive it, I want to give ya’ll the biggest lesson, LOVE YOURSELF as you are at all stages of healing. Love yourself so much that you won’t feel the need for a toxic medical device to define what society tells us is a feminine look. Learning to love yourself will save you from; implant induced itchy unbearable rashes, skin necrosis, implant failure, implant induced Increased cancer risk, hair loss, chemo, doctors calling you crazy and gaslighting you, losing friends, losing your sense of self, implant induced increased anxiety and depression, brain fog, pain—physical and emotional, etc. It literally took a pandemic to distract the doctors and hospital admin who blacklisted me (telling everyone I was crazy and blocking me from getting the PET CT I needed) in order for my primary care doctor to sneak a PET CT order in that finally lead to my Multiple Myeloma diagnosis last year. I lost so much and almost died because I thought I needed to look a certain way. I was terrified of life sans breasts. I was horrified of life without hair. My body has been a horror movie plot for almost 8 years. So, unless you want to live in a slow motion real life medical horror movie plot, implants are not the answer. I had not only faced my biggest fears, I have been forced to live them. And it’s a hard story to digest, but it is my hope that perhaps my story will help others out there know they aren’t alone and that flat out loving yourself is so much easier than 8 years of a medical nightmare.
💜Tara
Blue Lux, my most Crimson
of truths.
Where logic overrules emotion
confronting a confounded
fracture of
practice, a rupture from
one's breast.
Incisions ooze chaos
revealing beauty
as they break down wounds
to their
etiology, a darkness that's
been dwelling
within for decades.
Dearest Surgeon, grab
your spade—
spare me your scalpel—
release me
to the dirt. I don't know how to
flirt with
life any longer. Don't hand me
your displaced
hope. My mutation is strong,
depression stronger,
don’t you remember what you
saw under
that light whilst you filleted me
on your table?
Paring down the mounds of
flesh, skin
sympathetic to surgeon’s steel
—my cage;
blood-rusted shut. Don’t let
my deeply
anesthetized smile sway you,
it's my mask.
You're familiar with those,
aren't you? There's
no light left in me. You should
have called it.
Death has been a way of life for me. He
came for my dad, but refused
to let him wave
goodbye to me. You came to
remove the death
of my father so I won't become
him. Bye-bye
breasts. I sound so ridiculous.
This carving
has somehow killed the rest of
me. I don't
recall you warning me about all
of the potential
afters. After there will come
sharp pains. After
there will become what you'll
see as just remains—
remains sad,
remains withdrawn,
remains silent,
remains hopeful for that
perpetual black knight.
Death becomes that pink
ribbon, a reminder of
how she didn't have cancer,
but had the cancer surgery. Death of her breasts
killed friendships,
her job, her marriage, her
dreams, her family,
her.
👇🏽
👇🏽
👇🏽
Cancer is something Tara was trying to avoid with her reconstructive implants, however, cancer is exactly what she received from her "safe lifetime devices"!
if your called to do so, please consider blessing Tara with a gift to help ease her burdens while she goes through cancer treatment 💞
Thank you for sharing your raw truth with the world! You are a brave badass and I know you've got this! Keep fighting and continue smiling along the way. A true warrior continues the battle, even when they have nothing left... that is true heart... that is your heart. Thank you for being my Warrior of the Month! ♥️Tara
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